A Legacy

Since the baby has come into our little world, the oddest things suddenly mean the world to me.

The kid's smile can break your heart. Watching him explore the world is simply the greatest thing I could ever imagine. Seeing him learn how to grab things, move around on his own, enjoy food, etc. It's all so brand-new to him, and all so fascinating. Little things like a blanket are hours of fun to him. At this point, he has no idea that anything bad is out there in the world. I love that, even though I hate the fact that one day he'll learn what a horrible world this can be. I'd give anything to shield him from the pain that's out there, even though I know that would almost be as bad as neglecting him.

Leaving something for him has become important for me. I want so badly to have left him something that he can point to (hopefully with pride) and say, "that's my daddy's, and he gave it to me."

I have no idea why this is so important to me, but it is. I guess I'm lucky that I have some things that I have used and enjoyed, and I hope that he will as well. I hope that some part of me will live on in his memories after I've gone.

I have my books, of course. If they weather the years, I hope that he gets some enjoyment from them.

I have my guitars. One of which was given to me by my parents, 20 years ago now. I hope that even if he doesn't play it, he can at least look at it and think fondly of me. Maybe he can pass them to his son, one day, if he doesn't get any use from them.

I have my guns, as well as a few in the safe that were given to me by my father. They mean a lot to me, just because of where they came from. A lot of them won't ever be shot. They serve no use at the moment, but I'd never get rid of them. I hope that my son will be able to appreciate them, and think about me every time that he handles one. He'll have some link to his family's past, and I think that's an important thing.

It all pales in importance in comparison to what I feel I need to teach him. That will be the real legacy, even beyond his genetic inheritance. I want him to be a man of God, of compassion, of strength, of character, and honor. I want to be able to carry him past the mistakes I've made. I can only hope and pray that he's a better man than I am, and all I can do is try and sew those seeds within him.