Grieving sucks. There’s just no other way to put it. You think you’re over the worst of it. You think the pain is starting to fade. In reality, it’s like a bad tooth. It doesn’t hurt until you poke it a bit.
And you do poke it. You’re cognizant of how bad it hurts when you reach for the telephone to call the person that’s gone, and realize halfway through dialing what you’re doing. You realize it when you see something on the news, and think to yourself, “Gee, I wonder what Mom’s going to have to say about that.” Then you realize you’ll not ever talk to her about the news again.
Colors don’t seem as bright. Food doesn’t really taste good. Nothing seems fun. When that person crosses your mind, you feel a gut-wrenching sadness.
You think about all the things you should have said, should have done, and you feel guilty as hell for not having done them. You regret every harsh word that you ever had with the person. You’d give anything to take all of that back.
But you can’t. And you won’t. Ever.
It’s even worse when you really have no sympathetic ear to turn to. Nobody other than this blog to air out how you really feel.
This is what I get by way of sympathy, from the person who’s supposed to be closer than anyone else in the world to me:
“I really thought you’d get over this quicker, since you’re up here and away from everything that might remind you of her.”
Thanks a whole hell of a lot. Boy, I feel better now. I lost my mother, moron. It’s not like the dog just got run over or something.
It’s amazing. But I think you can actually get a little clarity about things in the midst of a tragedy. If that’s what I can expect as far as warm family support, I’m better off on my own.
This sucks. How much exactly am I supposed to endure, here? Come on, God. Cut me a little slack here, please.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Yes it sucks. It will continue to suck for some time. I know it's not the same, but when Lou died, it hit me really hard. I worked with him for over three years... I still think of him from time to time and when I'm working on stuff I'll often thing "what would Lou do?"
Your mother may be gone from this earth, but she's not gone from you.
stay strong
jason
I'm not sure it's possible to get over the loss of a parent. Gradually, the pain subsides, but the loss is ever present. How can it be otherwise? After all, the person is not coming back.
Here's hoping that something good comes from the process.
Man, I know it hurts. Just don't forget that you do have folks always ready to lend an ear and a shoulder, even if it isn't the one who should be first in line.
Post a Comment