THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE..LUCAS IS A TARD

I had the chance to watch THE XFILES–I WANT TO BELIEVE the other night. When the music started up, it got the old familiar feeling. That little anticipation of a cool experience with characters that you know and love. I wanted to know what they’ve been up to the last few years. Where they were now, what they were doing, what their lives had progressed to, etc.

I won’t throw any spoilers out there. It was a good flick, all things considered. But it could have been just as good as a thriller badged under something other than the XFILES.

It was also like seeing Michael Jordan come out of retirement. We hated to see him go, but the return as something a bit less than the miraculous player of old was something that was somewhat less than satisfying. Even though intellectually you knew that it couldn’t be the same as it was, you wanted it to be. You wanted the miracle that beat the odds. You wanted the movie to just rock. It was good, but it didn’t just blow the roof off. So there’s the whole bittersweet thing going on.

What you received was good, but it wasn’t quite as shiny as it used to be. Did they take too many years off between the series and the movie? I’d have to say yes to that. Some of the core audience has gotten older now, and didn’t flock to the theaters to go see it because they couldn’t find a babysitter that weekend. Besides, THE DARK KNIGHT was still running, and if you only have the one shot at the babysitter, what are you going to do?

I’d have to say that it’s worth watching.

Along the same lines, I did watch INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL again.

I’d say that I had very similar feelings. It was great to see my #1 movie idol character back in action. I confess that I completely geeked out the first time the preview ran and I saw him dusting off the fedora. Awesome.

Ford aged well, and he played the character as well as he ever did. I’m still upset that he’s wussed out about not actually shooting a gun in his movies, but at least he carried one. There was good bullwhip fu, which I’m a sucker for.

The movie was well-directed, of course. How could it not be? Absent the stupid monkeys, but we’ll cover that later. Lucas didn’t have the chance to completely ruin it like he did the prequels for his other masterpiece. It moved well. The story was fun.

My spoiler critiques are as follows:

First, nothing Indiana Jones did in this movie made a darn bit of difference. IN allthe other movies, his involvement was critical to what happened. Finding the ark, stealing it away from the nazis, finding the Shankara stones, freeing the kids, finding the Holy Grail and surviving the traps, etc. In this movie, it wouldn’t have made a difference who took the stupid skull back.

Second, we find out he’s whelped a kid. And the kid’s a butthole. Shia Lebouf is pretty much of a punk in this movie. He has some moments, but he’s not fit to fear the fedora. Oh, by the way, the monkey scene was about the stupidest thing I’ve seen in cinema history, absent Wookies doing the Tarzan call. Yeah, I see Lucas’ cornball touch all over that scene. What a tard. Why Spielberg didn’t beat the crap out of him over that one is beyond me.

Third, Marion went and got old lady on us. Indy aged ok, but Marion was annoying. She wasn’t cool like she was when she slugged Harrison in the kisser. Yeah, she matured, but it wasn’t like how Indy matured. But it’s also 27 years later, mind you, so what can they really do in the real world?

Finally, the whole thing about Indy and the OSS was ultra-cool. I’d love to see another spin-off series based on that plot line. You’d need another Indy, but that’s ok. They did it successfully with THE YOUNG INDIANA JONES CHRONICLES. (If anybody wants to buy me all of those on DVD, I won’t stop you, honest.)

Ford could do another one, if he doesn’t break a hip or something in between now and then. If they do, they need to ground it a bit better. The commies made a good villain. He’s got a new sidekick that if allowed to mature, might actually work out well. At least it’s not some midget Chinese spewing pidgin English.