Deport Handy Manny

If you don't have kids, chances are you haven't had to watch Handy Manny. This is a good thing.

I have, unfortunately. Handy Manny is a computer generated cartoon. He has little animated bilingual, intterracial tools, and everybody in his town of Sheetrock Hills speaks English with random Spanish words thrown in at odd points. Everybody is deep into the Hispanic culture. The main woman on the show owns a hardware store. All the white male people are stupid. Everybody is helpless to do anything, until our little Hispanic hero shows up to perform manual labor and make everything ok.

We never hear about his immigration status, do we? Is he illegal? Here on an expired visa? What's the deal?

I want to write and direct an episode for this show. I'd like to show a slightly different perspective on undocumented workers than what this show gives us. One that's based on living in a border state, and performing a job in law enforcement. Because about half of the cases I deal with are perpetrated by illegal aliens. A majority of the insurance defense cases I worked were illegal aliens suing after a car accident. Our health care problem is driven in no small part to illegal aliens jamming our ER's up because they know they have to be treated, whether they pay or not.

I'd like to show Manny consoling a nice family whose son has been hit by an undocumented worker driving DWI with no insurance, who's drunk off his butt on firewater, has no driver's license, and no way to ever compensate them for the loss of their youngest son. One that maybe shows the aftermath of Kelly getting robbed at knifepoint when she leaves the store. Or where all the friendly tools are stolen and sold at a pawn shop. Or one where we see Manny's gang tattoos and hear how wonderful La Eme or MS-13 had been for him. Or where Mr. Lopard's car is stolen and cut up for spare parts. Or we find Abuelito selling dope that his relatives who sneak across the border brought up to him.

Handy Manny shows you lovely little things the Hispanic culture has brought into America. The music is by Los Lobos and Carlos Santana. Wilmer Valderrama from THAT 70'S SHOW voices Handy Manny. Yeah. That guy. The man whose major claim to fame is that he dated Lindsay Lohan and turned her gay. Thanks, buddy.

You want Hispanic culture? Let me do a show about some of the poor girls whose lives have been ruined by their father because he's been sexually abusing them since the age of 5, because that's what happens down in deep Mexico. That's a cultural thing down there. Illegals account for the MAJORITY of the child sexual assault cases that we work.

Let's see a Hispanic riot at the school because they can't afford an English as a Second Language program, and because they won't print the textbooks in Spanish. Let's see a school shut down because the majority of the children in it are illegal, and can't pass Bush's no child left untested program if you gave them the answers. Let's show the hospital closing because they are going broke treating people who can't and won't pay with no insurance. Let's show the taxpayers in Sheetrock Hills having to pay for it.

My episode would end with the Border Patrol showing up to deport Abuelito, or running a security checkpoint on the edge of town. We'd see all the little brown people running for the hedges, as fast as their little stubby legs could carry them.

You'd learn a new Hispanic phrase. "Pinche! La Migra!"

I'm not saying that all Hispanics are bad. Far from it. I'm saying illegal immigration is bad. I'm saying bringing a morally bankrupt, corrupt culture into ours and expect us to like it, that's bad. I welcome anybody who comes here legally. I welcome the influx of anybody's culture who comes here the right way. Keep in mind these poor people who sneak here for a better life bring the crap that is Mexico here with them. They're escaping that cesspool for a reason. Other than the beach resorts, the place sucks. It's a third-world country. Yet they end up here, and want to bring their culture and language with them. They want us to assimilate their culture. If they want that culture, stay there. Don't drag us down to their level.

Every person sneaking across the border is a criminal once they reach the other side. They start off breaking the law. Why do we want more lawbreakers here?