In a very scientific study taken moments ago, the sugar gliders definitively picked the next President of the United States. The results have been verified by the blind dog, so I feel very confident about this whole thing.
For those of you unaware, sugar gliders are small marsupials, about the size of hamsters. They are nocturnal, and they can glide several hundred feet if given enough altitude. We have two in the house, one of each gender. The female is named Phoebe. Wicket is the male, and he is scared of Phoebe. Most of the household is.
For those of you unaware, a blind dog is a dog that is blind.
The test was undertaken as follows:
1. Pictures of both major party candidates were placed on a table. We left out the Libertarian candidate to avoid confusion. Plus, we couldn't actually FIND a picture of the Libertarian candidate. Maybe I should have tried HIGH TIMES.
2. A control picture was obtained, to further enhance accuracy. A 1992 Ross Perot campaign button was found, and placed on the table. The gliders took one look at it and fled. I wish they would have been around in 1992. They might have saved us all a lot of trouble.
3. The gliders were corralled, and placed on the table within inches of the candidate's photos.
4. The blind dog came in to provide unbiased analysis.
5. The gliders immediately went to the Kerry photograph and urinated on it.
6. The gliders next sniffed the Bush photograph. They both rubbed on it, much the same way a cat will do when it seeks attention.
7. The blind dog was asked for confirmation. He yawned, and then bumped into a wall. I likened him to a UN election observer in this respect.
So there you have it. The gliders like George W. Bush. They wet on Kerry. They fled from Perot. We would all do well to follow their example.
As will the majority of America, the gliders have selected Bush as President. You can't argue with science like this, folks.