The Pursuit of Happiness IV...All In The Family

Despite the out-and-out attack on the institution of the family in America, I think it is one of the most important factors for true happiness. At least, it can be.

I’m not sure when the tag “dysfunctional” started to get applied to families in America, but it’s stuck there now. I bet every family in America has gotten that label applied to it at one point or another. Probably, the label got stuck on it by one of its own members at some point.

What is a “functional” family, anyway? The last I knew, we all had problems of some sort or another. We’ve all got personality quirks, nervous habits, bad habits, or general weirdness. If the functional perfect family is comprised of members without some sort of flaw, then it doesn’t exist.

Maybe your family was broken up by divorce. Maybe you suffered the death of a parent at a young age. Perhaps you lived with an alcoholic parent, or a drug addict. Maybe your sister ran away and joined the circus. Maybe you have a parent in prison. Perhaps one of your siblings is in an insane asylum. You could have step-parents and step-siblings. You could be a Kennedy. Whatever. We’ve all got something like that in our family, somewhere.

If you’re lucky; you’ve at least got a group of people who are related to you, that will be there when you need them. They will give you money when you’re broke. They’ll listen to your problems. They’ll help you move. They’ll donate kidneys when yours crap out, even if it’s because you drank Sterno for 14 years while living under a bridge. They’ll help you bury bodies.

They know you. They don’t pass judgment on you, at least not to your face. They accept you with all your weird flaws, purple hair, nose rings, etc. They may not like it, but they treat you like....well, family.

They do this for no other reason than they are related to you. That’s pretty mind-numbing. Nobody else on this planet has to put up with you, but your family is always there. Think about it. Ted Bundy still had people out there who loved him.

I realize that some people don’t have this kind of family. That’s a sad thing. However, even these people have someone who will take them in and love them. It can be a spouse or grandparents. It can even be friends. I say this because I have three friends who are as close to me as brothers. They qualify as family, as far as I’m concerned. They accept me unconditionally, and I them. They meet the criteria for family in my book.

I count myself very lucky indeed. I have a pretty big extended family. Both my parents are still alive, and still married to each other. We get together often, despite the distance between us. Truth be known, it’s one of the biggest reasons for my big move.

I wished everyone had a support group like that behind them. It gives one the courage to go out and do great things. So what if you go broke trying to open a new business? Your family is there for you. They’ll at least give you a roof over your head if the bank forecloses on your home. When you have a stable base to venture out of, it helps give you the courage to risk it all.

The family is at the core of this country’s strength, and I think the core seems to be under attack. The family as an institution is threatened by divorce, substance abuse, and activists who want to destroy the very definition of what a nuclear family is.

The basic unit is one man and one woman, married to each other. They have children. That’s it. It’s worked for thousands of years, and it got us to the level of society that we enjoy today. An erosion into that basic unit will cause a corresponding erosion in all aspects of society. I think we’re seeing proof of that everywhere we look. Nationwide, the divorce rate is better than 50%. More children are being born out of wedlock than ever before. And boy, does the country have more problems than it has ever seen before!

I don’t think it’s coincidence.

At any rate, I think I owe most of my modest success to the fact that I had people behind me to catch me if I fell. The unconditional love of people that you are related to is a pretty happy thing.

So we’ve got a meaningful career, hobbies to enjoy, a comfortable place to live, and family as key ingredients to happiness. I think there’s a final element that links all of these things together. I’ll get to that one at another time.