Raised by an unknown species of ape in the Belgian Congo, I was rescued by a mad French military officer and brought to Texas. I attended the University of Texas at Austin, where I had the distinction of being one of three conservatives on campus who were not stoned to death. Both figuratively and literally. After a short stint on Barsoom, where I united several warring tribes and became a warlord, I awoke at the Texas Tech University School of Law. Despite overwhelming odds in Vegas and one assassination attempt, I graduated and passed the Texas Bar. I now ply my trade in Texas, and continue to mastermind plots to control the world. So far my followers consist of a blind dog, an insane dog, a vaguely stupid dog, and a Mini-Me. I plan to let the blind dog have France when we take control of the world.